Post-College Panic

Here I am, a person with a college degree. It came in the mail about a month ago, it is still in the envelope, and I still can't comprehend that it is much more than a stiffer-than-usual piece of paper with some embellishments. Sure, I feel a sense of pride when I realize that I have accomplished something more than most; only 39 percent of the U.S. population have a college degree. But for some reason I feel like it isn't enough. Maybe it has something to do with this: Here I am, a person with a college degree, living back at home and biting my fingernails day and night whilst surfing job listings on the web and trying to figure out just who it is that I am going to become. I am not entirely sure what to do with my degree, or that I even want to do something with it specifically. What if, now that I'm finished with college, I want to be a writer, or an astronaut, or a soldier?

Being a college graduate is an amazing thing, but it adds an extra element of pressure to the already mixed-up mix. Yes, some go into college knowing exactly what it is they will be when they get out, but I'm 100 percent sure I'm not the only one who graduates and still has no earthly idea. It doesn't help a great deal that I have a political science degree and no intention of going to law school or becoming a politician. I really can't imagine dealing with such a stressful environment day after day. On the flip side, I feel that as a college graduate, I should be a go getter. I should be out there in the field making things happen, changing the world, making a name for myself. But I'm still scared. I feel like a frightened child on the first day of school with ridiculous amounts of anxiety about trying something new. It is uncomfortable entering the working world, moving away from home to be a grown-up. All I really want is to make enough money to be able to shop at Whole Foods and to be able to come home in the evening to my cozy apartment, my cats, and a bottle of Riesling, and not worry about the next day until it comes. Why is it that I feel so inclined to break into something major, when all I really want to do is relax and live my life?

I think 4-5 years of an academic environment puts one at odds with oneself. What I mean by this is that when you are constantly stressing out about work that will be judged, work that will either lead to extreme praise or criticism, you get used to a pattern of stress, future-looking, and competition. It makes you feel that you must always be striving for bigger and better, competing with the next person, and making something of yourself. It does not allow you to believe that figuring things out as you go is an option. This, for some, is great preparation for the world of a professional, while for others it is merely a contradiction of their nature.

When it comes right to it, college is nothing like real life. Curriculum does not always prepare everyone for what is to come. For some, like me, it is merely a stepping stone, a resume builder, but not so much a determinant of who they are or what they will be doing in twenty years. For some, it is more an experience that will be remembered fondly, and that provided some necessary life skills more than job or academic skills. I honestly believe that if more panicked college graduates understood this, they would find the future less daunting, and would be more inclined to find their own way without letting their degree define them.